That's what I said to my supervisor when he somewhat jokingly asked me if I wanted to quit after what happened this morning.
This morning I arrived at the facility after a round-about trip, since I managed to get lost for the third time in the last two days. Today I was scheduled to meet my supervisor in the lobby of the prison and then go with his supervisor to a Volunteer Recognition Ceremony in Raleigh. I was told that a skirt and blouse were acceptable dress for the occasion and that is what I wore. As I was sitting in the lobby I heard someone banging on a window. I looked to my right and saw a Correctional Officer at the window of the main control center of the prison motioning for me to come towards her. I came to the door by the control center and heard the buzzing sound that signals the unlocking of the door. I entered in the center and she took a couple of steps towards me and proceeded to tell me I had no business wearing such an outfit in an all-male prison. She said that as soon as I walked into the areas where the inmates were they would be ****ing off at me. I told her that my boss told me this was appropriate to wear. She said that she was going to talk to my boss's supervisor. She told me that she had worked at this prison for 11 years and that what I wore was not appropriate. She then turned away. I took that as my cue to leave.
I was shocked because I felt like I was being attacked. I was embarrassed for not knowing the appropriate dress code. I was wondering what to do, should I go home and change? But my boss had said this was ok, hadn't he? I was angry that someone whose name I didn't even know had so harshly reprimanded me.
And of course my reaction was to tear up. I hate that. It's always been my reaction when I thought I was in trouble for something. I was doing "fine," as in just the occasional tear and any facial appearance I could still blame as a result of allergies acting up, until my boss came in and asked me what was wrong. It's like when you fall of your bike when you're younger. You're alright until someone asks you if you're alright and as soon as you have to talk that's when the tears start coming like crazy and you can't stop. Well that happened to 19-year old Savanah today. Thankfully my boss was very understanding. He said that the officer was just like that and sometimes under the "murkiness" of all she says there is some bit of goodness. She was ultimately trying to look out for my safety. And deep down I know that.
So at 8:15 on May 28th I was reminded once again that sometimes people are just the way they are, and in this case it was abrasive and tough, and I can't take it personally. It was a big learning experience, and I've had interactions with people like that before, but it's still hard for me to deal with. As I was driving home today, which took 50 minutes because I became lost again among the country of Greene County, I tried to think of all the "come-backs" I could say to this C.O. tomorrow. I wanted to make it clear to her that she was out-of-line and she really hurt me. But it's not my place. First of all, my supervisor is taking care of that. Second, I don't think it's Christ-like of me to return her abrasiveness with more abrasiveness. I really want to just ignore her the rest of my time here. But she won't care nor will she be affected by it, not making me feel any better. Also, my anger towards her will affect me more than it affects her. So I know Jesus wants me to love this woman. Not because my love will suddenly changer her, but because I am to be a light for Him. He who forgave all of us, because we all have fallen short. It's hard following Him, but He never said it would be easy. I found that out when I learned that the true meaning of "easy" in Matthew 11:28-29 is not easy, as without hardships and trials, but easy as in good and kind and full of peace.
I learned a lot today. I'm ready for the weekend.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
My first day at Eastern Correctional
Things I learned, yesterday, at my first day at Eastern
1. I can't take my cell phone or wallet (the facility is "cash-less" so you don't give any money to inmates) into the building
2. I need to carry anything I take into the building in my hands (no bag) or in a clear plastic bag
3. In the Division of Prisons there are two sub-divisions: Custody (the officers in the facility) and Programs (ranging from case management, classification, education, AA meetings). I will be working with someone in Programs.
4. Eastern has a focus on education (whereas other institutions might focus on mental health). There are many educational opportunities such as ESL classes, GED classes, an Associates degree in horticulture and an Associates degree in Culinary arts, to name a few.
5. Eastern recognizes 13 different religions.
6. If I need to go to the bathroom I need to obtain a key. All the bathrooms that have doors on them, the ones only available to staff, have locks on them. The facilities for the inmates have windows in them. My supervisor said if I ever enter a dormitory area, which isn't very likely, to just look down so I don't see anything.
6. Because this is a medium-custody facility the inmates in the regular population (there is a segregated population, located in a different part of the facility) are able to walk "freely" about the building.
The last thing is the thing that surprised me the most. There are some parts of the prison that you are only able to access by a key. However, men walk from the chow hall to their dorms by themselves. They walk from their dorms to the programs area, the chaplain's office or the library by themselves. Sometimes I felt like I was in a high school with older students just walking around. However, when my supervisor says "hi" to an inmate and afterwards tells me that inmate was charged for 2nd degree murder of his wife, then I am reminded that I am in a prison.
1. I can't take my cell phone or wallet (the facility is "cash-less" so you don't give any money to inmates) into the building
2. I need to carry anything I take into the building in my hands (no bag) or in a clear plastic bag
3. In the Division of Prisons there are two sub-divisions: Custody (the officers in the facility) and Programs (ranging from case management, classification, education, AA meetings). I will be working with someone in Programs.
4. Eastern has a focus on education (whereas other institutions might focus on mental health). There are many educational opportunities such as ESL classes, GED classes, an Associates degree in horticulture and an Associates degree in Culinary arts, to name a few.
5. Eastern recognizes 13 different religions.
6. If I need to go to the bathroom I need to obtain a key. All the bathrooms that have doors on them, the ones only available to staff, have locks on them. The facilities for the inmates have windows in them. My supervisor said if I ever enter a dormitory area, which isn't very likely, to just look down so I don't see anything.
6. Because this is a medium-custody facility the inmates in the regular population (there is a segregated population, located in a different part of the facility) are able to walk "freely" about the building.
The last thing is the thing that surprised me the most. There are some parts of the prison that you are only able to access by a key. However, men walk from the chow hall to their dorms by themselves. They walk from their dorms to the programs area, the chaplain's office or the library by themselves. Sometimes I felt like I was in a high school with older students just walking around. However, when my supervisor says "hi" to an inmate and afterwards tells me that inmate was charged for 2nd degree murder of his wife, then I am reminded that I am in a prison.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Oh how my tiredness shows
So the last post was the first one I made without proof-reading and it definitely shows. I'm so embarrassed I feel an apology is in order. I apologize for the grammatical errors, I'll proofread next time :)
Orientation
So today I attended the orientation for the NC Internship program. I was able to meet my supervisors, in person, for the first time and I was able to meet many of the interns that will also be working throughout the state this summer. I love meeting new people so as soon as I saw to college age women walking in the parking lot towards the Natural Sciences museum, where the orientation was held, I immediately introduced themselves. By the time we arrived at the registration table I had found out that they both attended UNC (one undergrad, the other law school) and I found out that one of them actually went to the same high school as me. Then when I entered the auditorium we had this wonderful networking game which provided me the excuse to meet many other people. It was really neat to hear what other types of internships these people will be participating in. One man is a computer science major and mapping flood regions for the state. Another woman is developing a class for courts of clerks to take to supplement the manual they already receive. Some people are working for the Natural Resources and Energy Development Agency, others for the National Guard, others for the Court of Appeals and others for the Department of Corrections. A common thread among all of them was there interest in what they would be doing.
There were many speakers at the orientation including the Lt. Governor (Walter Dalton) and the NC Insurance Commissioner (Wayne Goodwin). Each speaker reminded of us of how proud we should be that us 100 interns were selected from 714 applicants. They thanked us for volunteering our summers to be public servants to the good people of N.C. They encouraged us to make the most of this wonderful opportunity and to be curious and as questions. Some people may have thought it was cheesy, but it reminded me of how blessed I am to have an internship and to make the most of this wonderful experiment.
So after the internship I drove to Greenville and moved in the rest of my stuff into the apartment. Rachel, the woman I share a bathroom with, was there and thankfully helped me move it in. We spent a lot of time talking as we drove to the prison (so I could see how long it would take to get there) and to the grocery store. We talked about the similarities and differences between ECU and UNC and all the stuff college kids talk about like majors, career plans, the good places to eat, etc.
We arrived home and I attempted to make black beans and rice. I'm still not sure if they were good or not because I was so hungry by the time they were finished. I had plenty of leftovers so we'll see how they taste tomorrow. That was my first meal I cooked in this apartment. I thought it would be awful washing the dishes and all but it was quite relaxing. I read once of a monk who used his time in the kitchen to pray and meditate on how good God is. The kitchen he served in became his sanctuary. With that mindset cooking and cleaning will never be a chore. I hope I can keep that in mind.
So this entry was very list-like but I'm so tired I didn't really know what else to say. I have to leave for work tomorrow by 7 so I should probably end this soon. I'm excited for work tomorrow. I love beginning new jobs! It will be so much to take in, but I have the whole summer to take it all in.
Until tomorrow!
There were many speakers at the orientation including the Lt. Governor (Walter Dalton) and the NC Insurance Commissioner (Wayne Goodwin). Each speaker reminded of us of how proud we should be that us 100 interns were selected from 714 applicants. They thanked us for volunteering our summers to be public servants to the good people of N.C. They encouraged us to make the most of this wonderful opportunity and to be curious and as questions. Some people may have thought it was cheesy, but it reminded me of how blessed I am to have an internship and to make the most of this wonderful experiment.
So after the internship I drove to Greenville and moved in the rest of my stuff into the apartment. Rachel, the woman I share a bathroom with, was there and thankfully helped me move it in. We spent a lot of time talking as we drove to the prison (so I could see how long it would take to get there) and to the grocery store. We talked about the similarities and differences between ECU and UNC and all the stuff college kids talk about like majors, career plans, the good places to eat, etc.
We arrived home and I attempted to make black beans and rice. I'm still not sure if they were good or not because I was so hungry by the time they were finished. I had plenty of leftovers so we'll see how they taste tomorrow. That was my first meal I cooked in this apartment. I thought it would be awful washing the dishes and all but it was quite relaxing. I read once of a monk who used his time in the kitchen to pray and meditate on how good God is. The kitchen he served in became his sanctuary. With that mindset cooking and cleaning will never be a chore. I hope I can keep that in mind.
So this entry was very list-like but I'm so tired I didn't really know what else to say. I have to leave for work tomorrow by 7 so I should probably end this soon. I'm excited for work tomorrow. I love beginning new jobs! It will be so much to take in, but I have the whole summer to take it all in.
Until tomorrow!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Pre-Internship thoughts: Reactions
I've received many types of reactions when I told people what would be doing this summer. At first, I would tell people that I was working at Eastern Correctional Institution because that is the official name of the prison. I think I might have said that thinking that maybe people wouldn't remember what a correctional institution was and just nod their heads and smile. It wasn't that I was ashamed of working at the prison, but for some reason I felt uncomfortable trying to explain why I would be working at a prison for the summer. I assumed they just wouldn't understand. However, many people knew that correctional institution meant prison. I will never underestimate my friends' knowledge again :) And I soon got used to people's shock so I just began calling it a prison since no matter what I called the place people were still going to ask me why I was interning there.
Like I said reactions have varied. Some have looked at me shocked and surprised. One person said she could see me working there. Another friend couldn't see my "niceness" juxtaposed with the "toughness" of prison. Many have said, "Your mom must be freaking out." And it's interesting because my mom hasn't been freaking out at all. When I was applying for four internships with the program I asked her to look at the description of the internship at the prison and she said that even though I would be working at a prison she felt that I was going to be well-supervised. Then when I found out that was the internship I was offered she whole-heartedly encouraged me to take it because it would be such a great opportunity. I think some of my mom's calmness has rubbed off on me, because I'm more nervous about cooking for myself in my first apartment this summer than working at a prison.
Like I said reactions have varied. Some have looked at me shocked and surprised. One person said she could see me working there. Another friend couldn't see my "niceness" juxtaposed with the "toughness" of prison. Many have said, "Your mom must be freaking out." And it's interesting because my mom hasn't been freaking out at all. When I was applying for four internships with the program I asked her to look at the description of the internship at the prison and she said that even though I would be working at a prison she felt that I was going to be well-supervised. Then when I found out that was the internship I was offered she whole-heartedly encouraged me to take it because it would be such a great opportunity. I think some of my mom's calmness has rubbed off on me, because I'm more nervous about cooking for myself in my first apartment this summer than working at a prison.
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Internship
So for those of you who don't know this summer I will be a case management intern at a prison in Eastern NC. I was offered the internship as part of the NC Government Summer Internship Program. I applied for this specific one because I think learning more about case management will help me to learn if social work is something I would like to do in the future. What I know now is that I want to spend the rest of my life serving God by serving and loving His people. I would like to do that at a community level by helping families and people find the resources they need to help themselves. What I don't know is if social work is the right avenue for me to do this. I've been warned that social work will be draining and exhausting, that it feels futile if there is no policy change....... and I'm sure that is true, but if it's what God wants me to do I know He will prepare me for the job.
So yeah, I'm working in a prison and living in a new town with people I just met this summer and because I know it's going to be a great adventure I thought I'd record my thoughts in a blog. It's been awhile since I've blogged, like since 9th grade when I blogged on Xanga. Yeah, it's been awhile but I hope this is at least a way for me to keep in touch with my family and friends and to let them know how I'm doing in a new town and at a new internship. Happy reading!
So yeah, I'm working in a prison and living in a new town with people I just met this summer and because I know it's going to be a great adventure I thought I'd record my thoughts in a blog. It's been awhile since I've blogged, like since 9th grade when I blogged on Xanga. Yeah, it's been awhile but I hope this is at least a way for me to keep in touch with my family and friends and to let them know how I'm doing in a new town and at a new internship. Happy reading!
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