I'm not a quitter

That's what I said to my supervisor when he somewhat jokingly asked me if I wanted to quit after what happened this morning.

This morning I arrived at the facility after a round-about trip, since I managed to get lost for the third time in the last two days. Today I was scheduled to meet my supervisor in the lobby of the prison and then go with his supervisor to a Volunteer Recognition Ceremony in Raleigh. I was told that a skirt and blouse were acceptable dress for the occasion and that is what I wore. As I was sitting in the lobby I heard someone banging on a window. I looked to my right and saw a Correctional Officer at the window of the main control center of the prison motioning for me to come towards her. I came to the door by the control center and heard the buzzing sound that signals the unlocking of the door. I entered in the center and she took a couple of steps towards me and proceeded to tell me I had no business wearing such an outfit in an all-male prison. She said that as soon as I walked into the areas where the inmates were they would be ****ing off at me. I told her that my boss told me this was appropriate to wear. She said that she was going to talk to my boss's supervisor. She told me that she had worked at this prison for 11 years and that what I wore was not appropriate. She then turned away. I took that as my cue to leave.

I was shocked because I felt like I was being attacked. I was embarrassed for not knowing the appropriate dress code. I was wondering what to do, should I go home and change? But my boss had said this was ok, hadn't he? I was angry that someone whose name I didn't even know had so harshly reprimanded me.

And of course my reaction was to tear up. I hate that. It's always been my reaction when I thought I was in trouble for something. I was doing "fine," as in just the occasional tear and any facial appearance I could still blame as a result of allergies acting up, until my boss came in and asked me what was wrong. It's like when you fall of your bike when you're younger. You're alright until someone asks you if you're alright and as soon as you have to talk that's when the tears start coming like crazy and you can't stop. Well that happened to 19-year old Savanah today. Thankfully my boss was very understanding. He said that the officer was just like that and sometimes under the "murkiness" of all she says there is some bit of goodness. She was ultimately trying to look out for my safety. And deep down I know that.

So at 8:15 on May 28th I was reminded once again that sometimes people are just the way they are, and in this case it was abrasive and tough, and I can't take it personally. It was a big learning experience, and I've had interactions with people like that before, but it's still hard for me to deal with. As I was driving home today, which took 50 minutes because I became lost again among the country of Greene County, I tried to think of all the "come-backs" I could say to this C.O. tomorrow. I wanted to make it clear to her that she was out-of-line and she really hurt me. But it's not my place. First of all, my supervisor is taking care of that. Second, I don't think it's Christ-like of me to return her abrasiveness with more abrasiveness. I really want to just ignore her the rest of my time here. But she won't care nor will she be affected by it, not making me feel any better. Also, my anger towards her will affect me more than it affects her. So I know Jesus wants me to love this woman. Not because my love will suddenly changer her, but because I am to be a light for Him. He who forgave all of us, because we all have fallen short. It's hard following Him, but He never said it would be easy. I found that out when I learned that the true meaning of "easy" in Matthew 11:28-29 is not easy, as without hardships and trials, but easy as in good and kind and full of peace.

I learned a lot today. I'm ready for the weekend.